I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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