OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
