Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
