just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
