guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
