This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
