its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
