waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
