Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
