If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
