I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
