Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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