Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So squirting runs in the family.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
