3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
