the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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