Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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