You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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