He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
