MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
