she was so not down for the gang bang
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
