How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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