dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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