shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
