How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
