Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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