I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
