Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
