once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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