This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
