apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
