So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
