apparently the secret to your success is patron
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
