All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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