Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
