In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
