So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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