im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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