you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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