Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
