Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
