The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
