if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
