There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
