you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
