We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
