Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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