Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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