Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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