You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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