Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize