His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
