I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
