hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
