woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
