but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize