New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
