But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
