I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
