i already hear my dad disowning me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
