We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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