Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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