Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
