Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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