I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
