champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
