i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
