it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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