Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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