I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
