you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
