i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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