I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
