captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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