11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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