Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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