is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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