I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
