In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize